What a week!

We have had an interesting week here! Aubree left on Monday to stay in Evansdale with Grandma and Grandpa O and her daddy and I have really been missing her...but Brycen doesn't really seem to notice. One time when we asked him where Aubree was, he looked out the window at the car like I had left her in the car or something! I know he has enjoyed being an only child for the week and I have definitely enjoyed the special time we have had and getting to run errands together like old times!
I cannot even run the basic errand with both kids now, since I never know how Brycen will be, or if he will try to run from me and then I am chasing him with Aubree in tow. When he gets into one of his uncontrollable times where he is hitting, kicking, spitting, and pulling hair and I have to carry him screaming back to the car or wherever, there is no way I could do that safely with Aubree along. So, only having Brycen this week allowed me to take him everywhere with me! He went with me to Fareway multiple times which he always enjoys seeing Daddy and helping to push the cart. And he was on his best behavior most of the week and was very good in the store each time!
Mike and I went to our first Autism support group this last Tuesday where we met a few people that also have children on the Autism Spectrum. It was nice talking and sharing with people that are at different stages of raising a child on the spectrum and getting advice on where to go from here. Mike and I have agreed this is something we need to involve ourselves in no matter where we are moved to. I think it is very important that not only do we have family and friends that know us supporting us, but having others out there that may not know us as well, but know our situation even better than we do sometimes! We are grateful to Dr. Grant (who I saw all through my pregnancy with Aubree and who delivered her) as he originally mentioned the support group to me this last summer and to his wife who has been a great support talking to Mike at the store when she is shopping. We are also grateful to Angie, who I may have just met here in Storm Lake, but feel that I can relate to more and more each day as we have children the same age and her 3 yr old girl also has been diagnosed with an ASD, and to Betsy who called us to invite us to our first meeting and made us feel so welcome!
The last several months have been a roller coaster of various emotions, tears, and grieving...but our understanding and acceptance of what God has chosen for us is getting easier each day. We both still have our rough days, but we have learned to lean on each other and talk it out more since we know best what each is going through. Even though we have plenty of friends and family that support us, we know that we couldn't do this without each other and that is the best support we can ever give to ourselves and both Brycen and Aubree as we continue to confront Autism!

Jealousy...normal I guess

As the days, weeks, and months go by, it is definitely getting easier to accept what God has dealt us with Brycen. But I still have many days where I feel so much jealousy...at the store when I hear a toddler saying clear words, when friends/family comment on Facebook about their child learning their ABC's or counting, when seeing/hearing a 3 yr old is successful in potty training, when a 3 yr old is put in time-out and actually sits there, when two siblings are playing together outside or at the playground...and the list goes on. I feel jealous when I see these things, but then again I know that as parents to Brycen, we will never take a simple word he says or accomplishment he learns for granted!
I feel bad when I feel this way, but I just can't help it! I compare Brycen to other children, mostly to determine what we seriously need to work on that is typical for his age, but I also find myself once again wondering "why?" I think I will never stop wondering that...I think it is human nature to always question the things that happen to us, whether good or bad.
When I was pregnant with Aubree, Mike and I had already discussed not having any more children. Then when Brycen was initially diagnosed, we confirmed with ourselves that we didn't think it was fair to either of them if we had another child as Brycen needs so much of our attention and energy. But then I also wonder if that is fair to Aubree...she will not know what it is like to have a sibling to play with or to share secrets with and so on. When Mike and I are gone someday, it will be up to Aubree to take care of Brycen (unless of course we experience some wonderful research miracles that help him to become more independent and find successful treatments for him!). I see the joy in her little face and hear the constant giggles for those few moments each day when he pays attention to her! She doesn't usually mind when he knocks her over or purposely runs into her, because she is craving any kind of attention he will give her. Then, within seconds, I watch as she is following him around, trying to capture his attention and wanting him to play like a typical sibling would. It makes me sad that she may never have that close sibling relationship...but then again, maybe they will have a different type of close relationship where she will become more of a mother to him and will teach him things as they are growing up.
So, I guess though I may be jealous of some things...I know that there is positive that goes along with the negative. How the day starts or what happens during the day will determine whether I view the glass as half full or half empty that day...and that view can change many times throughout the day!

Brycen's triumph over sorting colors

I am so excited to share with everybody what the teacher shared with me today when I picked Brycen up from school! They have successfully taught him how to sort different color figurines into the matching color bowls! They demonstrated to me before we left...she gave Brycen 4 different bowls (red, yellow, green, and blue) and a handful of various colored animal figurines. They play the game of "bounce, bounce, bounce goes the duck" and Brycen bounces the duck right over to the matching bowl! He did this about 7-8 times with different colors and it was amazing at how fast he did it...like it was second nature. And he was sooooo proud of himself and loved when the teacher picked him up and gave him a huge hug!
Earlier this summer, his speech pathologist had tried this with him and Brycen was not successful at that time. Now that he is getting the consistent teaching and the teachers are figuring out the way he learns best, he was able to accomplish this major task! I can't wait to practice this with him at home with various blocks and to move onto teaching him the difference between square, circle, etc and the names of the colors.
Kelsi, BV student that works with him twice a week, has been working hard with him on counting 1-2-3. Brycen is doing a great job of imitating this and holding up his fingers for each number like she does. She also took him successfully to the library to look and check out books a couple weeks ago. When she did this last Spring, he wanted to run in the aisles after some time of being there. But this time, his attention span was so much better and he sat down on the floor and looked at books and did not try to run at all!
It's really these little steps that make a difference! Despite having to deal with a difficult situation with him on Saturday during downtown trick-or-treating...it's these positive moments that definitely out-weigh the difficult and stressful times.

Dear Brycen...

I was glancing through Brycen's baby book the other day and ran across the pages where the parent writes a letter to the baby. Mike and I wrote these letters to Brycen shortly after he was born, over 3 years ago! We would like to share with you what we wrote then to our sweet, precious, gorgeous baby boy!

A LETTER FROM MOMMY
Brycen- I always knew I wanted children and as soon as we were in married in April 2005, Daddy and I decided to let things just happen. Daddy says he knew I was pregnant before I did, so I decided we had better find out since I wasn't feeling good. I was so excitede when we found out in December 2005 that I was pregnant with you. After the first few months, I was feeling much better and started to read all about you and how much you were growing inside me. I loved going to every doctor appointment and hearing your heartbeat, and seeing the pictures of you at my ultrasounds, and imagining what you would look like! I knew I loved you from the moment I found out about you and I didn't think I could love you any more, until the day you were born. That's when I realized what everybody says about unconditional love! Remember that Daddy adn I will always be there for you and will always love you more than you'll ever know.

A LETTER FROM DADDY
Brycen- You already have made Mommy and I so happy. Seeing you for the first time nearly made me cry with happiness. I promise to teach you everything that I know and more. My goal for you is to be a better man than your Daddy. You also can come to Mommy and I for anything because with our love, we will always help you. July 24th is most definitely teh happiest day of our lives and the fun is just beginning. We are excited to see how your puppy, Mason, welcomes you home. Thanks for making our lives complete. I love you!