Brycen & Aubree: The Sibling Relationship

Aubree was just a newborn when Brycen began regressing 2 1/2 years ago, so this is all she has really known. Watching them grow up together has brought both tears of joy and tears of sadness. Joy because I can tell how much they really do love each other and the adoration in Aubree's eyes when she looks at Brycen. Sadness because it didn't take long before Brycen became very aggressive with Aubree and also when we watched as Aubree's development passed Brycen's level very fast.

I've spent a lot of time wondering how the future is going to unfold in their relationship. I recently talked about how I worry Aubree will feel pressured to take over her brother's care when we are too old to do so. I worry that we aren't being fair to Aubree by not having another sibling for her to develop that typical relationship with.

Many people have told me that their experience is the siblings are honored to take on the care of their disabled sibling and do not see it as a burden. Unfortunately, my experience working in residential services many years ago seemed to be the opposite for quite a few aging adults with disabilities. I really hope that we can set up Brycen and Aubree's relationship for success in this area, without pressure or any burden placed.

Over the last year, she has shown to be a very patient, flexible, and loving sister to her brother that doesn't always seem to care about her. She adapts to whatever "game" he is playing just so she can spend time with him. She shares quite nicely with him, talks to him like he completely understands her, and is very gentle with him. We can all learn something from watching her and her interaction with him. I am in awe of her on MOST days! I say that with emphasis because she is still a typical 2 yr old with her own tantrums and testing of boundaries:)

While pondering all of this over the last several months, I was overjoyed to watch two very special moments recently that has shown the power of the sibling bond between a child with a disability and a neurotypical child. We were getting ready to go to Wal-mart to meet up with G'ma & G'pa to shop a little and then to McDonalds for dinner and I had been telling Aubree all about it as McDonalds is a real treat in this house for them. While I was finishing up a couple work emails, I overheard Aubree talking to Brycen in the living room. They were sitting on the couch together and she was telling him a "social story." It's amazing how a 2 1/2 yr old can catch onto the things we regularly do with Brycen, as she told him we were going to meet G'ma & G'pa to go shopping and then Brycen would be a good boy and Aubree would be a good girl, and then they could get cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets at McDonalds. You can imagine the warmth that came over my heart watching and hearing this interaction. Of course, Brycen did not respond, but her attempt at explaining to him what we were going to do and what was expected was so protective and teaching.

The second moment I witnessed was when I brought Aubree home from daycare this morning. She was not signed up for daycare yesterday, so she missed her Valentine's Day party and brought all of her goodies home today. She was looking through them at the table while I prepared her lunch, and I overheard her say "this one for Aubree, this one for Brycen" over and over. When I walked back to the table, I saw she had made two piles of the candy! I asked her about the piles, and she told me "I share with Brycen." Once again, my heart just melted at her generosity and love for her brother. How many kids initiate splitting up suckers, chocolate, juice boxes, and skittles with their siblings??

I am so curious at how their relationship is going to unfold as the years go by. They are only 2 years apart and considering we are looking at wanting Brycen in kindergarten for 2 years, they may actually end up only a grade apart from each other in school. I can only imagine the wonderful moments will just multiply as Aubree becomes more and more protective of her brother and more involved in helping him succeed in life!