The transition from being parents to being a parent of a child with special needs

This is a post I have thought about for some time now. I have been having a hard time putting into words my feelings about the recent transitions our family has had to take in comparison with the transition to parenthood almost 3 1/2 years ago.
We knew we needed daycare when we were pregnant with Brycen. We knew we needed a crib, carseat, toys, changing table, baby gear, bottles, sleepers, bibs, etc ready to go when he was born. We thought we were ready to be parents! Then when we brought him home, and we were faced with his medical situation, his not eating well, the constant tracking of diapers and feedings...it was stressful! It is stressful for all new parents because your entire life has changed and no longer are you the only person you are caring for...there is this new baby who relies on you for everything so when that baby doesn't want to sleep and it is 2am, then you have to be awake with him even if you are so exhausted that you can't remember the last time you ate or got more than an hour of sleep at a time.
The second pregnancy and bringing the baby home is much easier. We knew a little of what to expect and may have had ourselves more mentally prepared for all of it.
But then something happened...all of a sudden our 2 yr old is not talking, he is not making much eye contact, he is yelling and not pointing anymore. He is obsessed with certain toys and won't play with others. He's waking up at all hours of the night, running away from the potty chair, and seems very upset most of the day and we have no clue what is wrong with him. It's like we have another baby in our house...we thought we were beyond that stage with him, but now he is going backwards and we have no control over it and can't stop it. We have a newborn that relies on us for everything and now we have a 2 yr old that is pretty much the same way again for no apparent reason.
After a few months, we realize something has changed in our family dynamics. Our 2 yr old needs as much attention, if not more, than our newborn. We have to plan for every little time we leave the house...try to look into the future to see what we will need if he presents this tantrum or this need. Then, you can't just go out with friends when you want to, even if they say "bring your kids along." You can't just get any babysitter there is, you need to have someone you trust and that understands and is interested in what is going on with your child. Someone with a lot of patience...and then you have to plan for everything while you are gone.
This is how our lives are going to be for a long time, if not forever. In the future, we will need to look at locks on the doors and windows as many children with autism tend to wander away at any time of day. We have to be cautious of events we attend, or make sure there is an escape route when we go somewhere in case he experiences sensory overload or has a tantrum. We have to pack many snacks and activities to keep him busy so that he doesn't fixate on certain things, or begin running around uncontrollably, or yelling in the middle of a church service.
Many of these things are what all parents of young children have to plan for and prepare themsevles for! I do know this as we have to do many of the same preparations for our one year old too! But as the children get older, they begin to learn appropriate behavior, quiet voices, how to entertain themselves, patience and that sometimes you have to wait in line. As a parent of a child with special needs, specifically diagnosed with autism, you may never have that experience of your child growing up and learning these things. We will continue to have a toddler for many years, as the children of our friends' grow up and are driving cars and going on dates. They can plan a night out without finding a babysitter, they know eventually they will get a good nights sleep when their children are older, they can take a shower longer than two minutes as they don't have to worry about their child harming themselves or his siblings, they can put their children in any of the daycares in town. Unless we decide to place Brycen in a residential facility (which we are not considering as an option at all), we will always have a toddler in our home. Even when we are 70 years old, we will have to worry that he will be taken care of appropriately after we are gone. We will forever be guardians of an adult that may always think and behave like a child.
Obviously God thought that we could handle this. Maybe that is why I chose psychology for my education, and human services with disabilities as my career long before Brycen was even thought of. This could be why Mike chose to enter the management program with Fareway, knowing the financial stability we will eventually have will allow me to be home with Brycen so we do not have to place him in a residential facility. Maybe that is why my closest friends are those that either work in the field or are a parent or family member of a child with a disability. We have found that we don't have much in common anymore with our single friends or our friends that do not have children...we have found our new group of friends that we know have experience and knowledge not only of parenting, but taking care of a child with special needs and we know that is the support that will carry us through the hurdles we will face over the years.