"When one door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Helen Keller

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Love...such an abstract concept

Brycen giving Aubree a kiss when she was only a couple weeks old.
Giving Aubree a kiss while playing on the floor recently

We've never heard Brycen say "I love you"...even before he regressed, he just never grasped this concept or had the development to put those words together. He is going to be 4 years old in two months and most children at this age understand a little about love and have probably said it a gazillion times back to their parents by now.

A week or so ago while Brycen was sitting next to Aubree on the floor, I asked him "Do you love your sister?"...and he immediately reached over and kissed her on the cheek! This is the first response we have ever gotten out of him when we tell him that we love him or mention anything about love. For a couple months now, when Aubree hears love or when we say "I love you" to her, she immediately wants to kiss us. I'm not sure if he learned this from watching her or if his brain is just starting to grasp the concept! Either way, it is absolutely exciting for him not only to hear and understand my question (hence cognitive skills are there!) but to respond in an appropriate way to the question.

Think about it though..."Love" is such an abstract concept. You can't really show it in a picture to a child with Autism as that is usually how you explain things to them. Most children with autism work best with visual aids. Brycen is going to be working on emotions with his new Speech and Language Therapist at the Spencer hospital and while we can find pictures of happiness (smiling) and sadness (tears and frowning)...I cannot think of a single picture that can demonstrate "love" to him in a way he can understand it. If we have a picture of two people hugging, that means "hug" and a picture of two people kissing means "kiss." So, how do we explain "love" to him now and "love" to him in the future when he is possibly seeking out intimate relationships? And in addition to that, how do you explain the difference in those two types of love? Wow...there is just more and more to think about with his development! The questions and the hard work will never end with him.

While I want to get him to the point of saying new words (possibly "I love you" someday), new words does not mean effective communication. Most children with autism are on "automatic pilot" when talking, whether they are imitating something they have heard on TV or from another person (specifically called Echolia) or they are automatically responding to questions they have been asked multiple times and have been trained to answer a certain way.

When someone asks "how are you doing?", most people automatically reply "good" or "fine" and "how are you?". This is a general example of how we respond automatically to a question without really taking the time to understand the actual question, or in a child with autism's case, they may not have the ability to understand the actual question but have just been "trained" to answer that way whether it is through ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy or similar therapies.

Anyway, I have went off on a tangent like I always do...but back to the idea of "love" and how to explain it to Brycen. I am thinking the only real way to explain it is to just shower him with lots of love every single day with hugs, kisses, I love you's, positive words, high-5's, and so on...and hopefully one day he can associate all of this "love" we are showing him with the actual word. Maybe, just maybe one day we will hear that sweet voice say "I love you, Mommy/Daddy."
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Autism and Our Family

"Autism"----It's one word that can change the life of a child and family in so many ways. Autism Spectrum Disorders are being diagnosed at a rate of 1 in 68 children currently. If you do not already know someone that has been diagnosed, the statistics say it won't be long before you do.

Our son developed typically until around the time he turned 2 years old. We heard words...we saw him play with other kids...we watched as he played with his toys appropriately...we made eye contact with him...overall we understood his wants and needs. In a matter of a few months, that was all taken away from him. He began lining up toys, lost all of his words and signs except for one word "ball", ignored other kids, could not sleep through the night, lost eye contact and the ability to follow directions, and he had no way of letting us know what he wanted or how he felt. It was heartbreaking to see something happening to our child that we couldn't stop!

Brycen began receiving home therapy 1-2 times per month for about 6 months before we realized it wasn't just developmental delays. We knew it was Autism...we just didn't want to say it outloud to anyone. He was officially diagnosed with Autism (classic form and regressive), as well as Mental Retardation in August 2009 by the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics.

We continue to learn as we make our way through this journey with Brycen and we will continue to share this journey with you on this blog! The blog has been a great therapy for us to be able to vent our frustrations and struggles with accepting that we have a child with special needs, while sharing how blessed we are to have a child teach us what life truly means. It has also been a great way to inform others of his progress and changes over the last couple of years.

Thank you for your support of Brycen and our family! We hope you are able to learn something through this blog no matter if you are a parent of a child with special needs or a neurotypical child, a teacher or therapist, a family member, or just someone that is interested in the journey that a family goes on as they learn their child is battling a life-long disorder.