Educate, Advocate, Make A Difference!

A few years ago after Brycen's diagnosis, I began investing in what I now call our "Autism library" at home.  A good portion of our "library" are books written at a child's level about Autism.  In the beginning, I was purchasing them to help our nephew, nieces, & Aubree adjust to having a family member with Autism.  But when Brycen was in kindergarten, I decided it would be beneficial to take the time to read one or more of the books to his classmates so they also could understand more about having a peer with Autism.  

Brycen is now in 3rd grade and I have expanded to not just reading to his general education classroom each year, but to many of the classrooms at school!  The first year was amazing to listen as the children asked questions and made comments that totally blew my mind.  They WANTED to learn and they WANTED to know what to do to be a friend to not just Brycen, but others with disabilities in their school.

Every year after, the questions were more in depth & harder for me to answer.  They were making me ponder why our youth act the way they do towards people with disabilities/differences, both good & bad.  It made me realize a very key detail in the WHY Brycen seems to be so accepted by his peers. 

We are real, honest, & involved with peers about Brycen.  We are educating & advocating at an early age.


***Before I go any further, I want to add a disclaimer that I am in no way saying we are the perfect parents.  This is my opinion about why BRYCEN is accepted & treated with respect by his peers.***


Brycen is adorable, giggly, loving, & wants to be around his peers.  But I'm not blind to the fact that it is very very hard for other children to want to be around him sometimes despite these things.  It's hard to know how to interact with a child that has deficits in communication skills.  It's hard to be patient with someone who doesn't always want to share or follow rules.  He gets aggressive & hits when he is upset, doesn't get his way, or doesn't know how to communicate.  Not exactly wonderful qualities in a "friend"!  Some adults can't even handle these things,  much less children!

So why does it seem that the kids are fighting over who gets to sit next to Brycen at lunch or help him with an activity?  Why is he so accepted in every part of the day at school even if he can't do everything the peers can do?

It's actually quite simple.  We have been involved with his peers from the beginning.  We have never hid the fact he has Autism & that he acts differently than his peers sometimes...ok, most of the time ;)  We are up front with the children in explaining Brycen's negative tendencies.  We answer their questions & don't take offense to some of the wording they use when asking or commenting.  We choose to educate them now at this age BEFORE the bullying & teasing starts.  We give them tools to use to communicate with him & understand why he does the things he does.  We encourage them to share what they have learned with their family.  We don't expect them to be perfect in their interactions with him.  We acknowledge it can be hard to be friends with someone who is different.

Once again, I'm not saying what we choose to do is perfect or is right for every family dealing with their child's differences from peers.  This is right for us.  Brycen participates every year when I am talking with/reading to his class.  He "models" his compression vest while I explain what it is for.  He "role plays" with me about how to give him choices.  He knows he has Autism, he knows the word.  He may not be able to communicate much to me, but not once has he ever acted embarrassed or shy when we've talked about Autism.  The fact he participates in these "talks" with his peers every year & doesn't get upset, shows me that he WANTS us to do this.  That this realism & honesty we have with his peers is benefiting both him & them!  

The honesty & openness with his peers is obviously paying off!  We have yet to have a teacher tell us since he started school that peers are treating him differently.  He has never been teased to our knowledge, though I have heard many of his peers at this age talk about this happening to them already.  If anything, it's the complete opposite.  These kids are encouraging him to do better. And in return, he is showing them that it's ok to be different and a friend to everyone. In fact, I just received an email from his general education teacher last week letting me know just the impression he has made on these kids!  Not one, but TWO of his peers took information about Brycen home & wanted to do something special for him.  Both asked their parents if they could bring some of their own train books into the classroom knowing how much Brycen loves trains. The parents then communicated with the teacher to make sure it was all right that they did so.  These are 3rd grade children!!  

So if we have any advice for those parents who are just beginning this Autism journey, it would be to be open & real with those who will be around your child the most.  Arm them with knowledge & tools of how to be a friend to your child, don't expect them to learn it from someone else.  It is YOUR job to educate, advocate, and make the difference in YOUR child's life!  I promise, it will be worth it when you see how your child is accepted as just one of the kids, even though the differences are obvious.