Life Takes Over

Dear Brycen: The Joys & Challenges--

I feel so bad for neglecting you over the last few months, but life has just taken over.  I promise that I think about you frequently and it crosses my mind each week that I should be blogging about something Brycen has either achieved or been battling, but I feel so much better about things that it isn't at the top of my list anymore to use the blog as therapy for myself...which was the main reason I started you in the first place back in June 2009.

Three and a half years have gone by.  We've had our ups and downs, lots of tears and laughs.  You helped me through probably the roughest patch I have experienced in my life and for that I am eternally grateful.  You were there when I needed you, whether it was daily, weekly, or even multiple times a day!  You provided an outlet for me to "talk" things out about what our family was experiencing and you gave me the chance to keep family & friends across the country updated on Brycen and his joys and challenges. 

I need your help to determine what direction we need to go with our relationship.  When I first started blogging with you those years ago, it was devastating.  I wasn't sure things would ever get easier.  Thankfully they have!  It's true that time really does heal wounds.  The dream I once had for my son from the moment he was put in my arms right out of my tummy...it did not vanish.  It just took a roller coaster ride...up, down, to the left, right, faster, slower.  Yes, life is different than what I imagined when we first found out we were pregnant with Brycen, and even when we found out we were pregnant with Aubree.  But that doesn't mean life isn't just as precious and special!  If anything, it's more meaningful.  I have learned more over these years than I imagine I could have with two typical-developing children. 

So, I need to decide where we go from here.  We're most definitely not breaking up, but we have reached a milestone in our relationship.  A good one of course!  So let's see where this takes us and the path that will lie before us. 

With much thanks and looking forward to the future,
Melissa

P.S. Our little boy is amazing and accomplishing things we never even dared to dream about 3 years ago! 

Time to Catch Up!

Has it really been two months since I've blogged?!  Wow!  I guess now that I am using a Facebook page for the small updates, I forget about blogging about the big updates.

We better catch up on what has been going on in Brycen's life since the beginning of August!

First of all, Brycen started 1st grade.  He has been in school almost 2 months already and is adjusting very well to the schedule.  He has made strides in attending to his homework at home, as well as trying harder for his spelling tests each week.

For the first 4-5 weeks we were having A LOT of concern about his hyperactivity and inattentiveness.  He was being very aggressive, fidgety, could not sit still or pay attention, and doing A LOT of sensory seeking.  We were originally thinking about changing his medication by seeing his psychiatrist earlier than we had scheduled, but first we decided to throw in more sensory breaks.  The teacher/associates at school integrated some more sensory tools into his day, as well as we invested in some additional sensory tools at home.  HUGE difference in the last couple weeks at home...and we meet with his teacher for conferences tonight so we are hoping to hear the same from her about school.

One of the main sensory tools we had been wanting for a long time for him but were unsure of because of cost and space was a therapeutic swing.  He has always loved the swings at therapy and at school.  Thanks to Brycen's Papa and Grandma Timmer, we were able to make that become a reality for him at home sooner than we thought!

The other sensory tool we were able to purchase recently was a weighted blanket for him.  We chose a company that custom-makes them when ordered so we chose a Thomas the Train material to match his bedroom (and his likes) in a medium size-6lbs.  This just arrived this week and he has only slept with it two nights already, but guess what??  He slept all night both times for almost 11 hours each night!

In August, Papa and Grandma O'Connell stayed with the kids while we took an adult only vacation :)  While they were here, they went fishing and Brycen caught his first fish!

In September, Brycen went to his first high school football game for our town and he LOVED it!  We were there about 3 hours through the JV game and then thru the halftime show of Varsity game when we asked if he was ready to go home (it was COLD!) but he firmly said "no" so we stayed a bit longer.

Also in September, we had our family pictures taken by Christi Marie Photography!  Wow is all I can say when we compare the difference from last year's picture session to this year!  Huge difference in Brycen's attitude and ability to handle the camera & even being posed for some :)  Of course it helps that we start the day at an old train depot...happy boy!

We were even able to take some fun family pictures!

 

 

Lastly, I need to take the time to brag up Brycen's progress a little more here!  Brycen not only saw the dentist for his check up this week, but he also needed to see the doctor for an ear infection.  Guess what?!  He did amazing!  Minimal struggle with the dentist so I did need to hold his head still for her to look closely at his teeth, and he put up a little fight with the white toothpaste the dental asst was going to use (he recovered once she found some blue!), but overall huge improvement.

 

At both the dentist and the doctor's offices, he looked up when his name was called which shows his attention is progressing!

 

When seeing the doctor for what ended up being an ear infection, he let them look in his ears and do a basic check up with no fighting.  Since he was not running a fever, I asked for him to get his flu shot while I had him in the office.  Minimal struggle there too!  I held his arm down while he sat on my lap, and though he pulled away when she did the shot, he immediately recoved and has shown pride in his band-aid :)

 

Sorry for the long post!  I even deleted a few things because there is so much to catch up on.  I really need to get better about this and post more often, huh?

 

Thanks for all the continued support for our little boy and his daily struggle with Autism!

The Slap of Reality

All special need's parents can relate to those moments when you feel like you are slapped in the face with reality.  They don't seem to happen as often anymore for me, but I felt it yesterday.  I was sitting in the waiting room of the therapy clinic while Brycen was in his one hour speech appointment.  Nothing specific brought it on, but I immediately thought "How did this happen?  Why did it happen to us?" 

The "why" question rarely pops up anymore because I know there is no use in trying to dissect the entire happenings of our life, my pregnancy, the first two years of Brycen's life, etc.  It's just not worth it when the present takes so much energy and emotions to deal with by itself.  Most of my "slaps" tend to be "how" now.  And it's not always negative but may be "how can I make this easier for him?" and just how to handle the day-to-day stressors for both him, us, and his sister. 

So, here I was sitting in the empty waiting room and these two questions go through my head.  I'm not quite sure why it happened then because he's been making slow but fabulous progress in so many areas and I am so proud of him.  Of course my eyes fill with tears and I just hope that the receptionist doesn't notice or that none of the other therapists walk through the room until the tears dry up.  Because I hate when someone outside of my immediate family sees my vulnerability about this.  I don't want people to think of me as anything but strong for him.  I WANT to be strong for him...but sometimes reality just slaps me in the face and it gets the best of me. 

We have no clue what the future holds.  No doctor or therapist can tell us what the next year, 5 years, or 20 years will look like for him.  So, I just cling to the present.  Try not to dwell on the past and the "why" and "how", and though the future will haunt me frequently, I also try not to dwell on that.  The present is already taking over so much of our life that I just don't know what more I can fit in right now. 

Summer is winding down...

It's hard to believe that Brycen will be back in school two weeks from tomorrow...1ST GRADE!!  I'm excited to see where this year will take him with some increased independence built into his IEP, a new teacher, and some new classmates.  He made tremendous progress in kindergarten that our hope is the progress will just keep snowballing with every additional year.

Brycen just finished his Extended School Year (ESY) hours where he was mainly working on socialization and routine, while continuing to work on communication with others using his device.  He met with a school associate a few times a week for most of the summer and they spent time with the summer YMCA group.  We are AMAZED at the progress Brycen made with this addition to his services!  He looked forward to going and was always surrounded by his peers.  The kids who ranged from his age to a few years older seemed to really accept him and embrace his extra needs.  It challenged him to be accepting of his peers around him, to share and take turns, as well as to learn how to communicate effectively with him.  He really thrived in this environment and I hope it's something we can continue with next summer!  Not only did his summer associate work on all of this with him, but he also overcame a lot of his fear around swimming when the kids would have free time in the pool in the afternoons.  He became more independent in his swimming and with the help of a swimvest that a friend so graciously is allowing him to borrow, he will actually jump into the deep end himself and swim around!  Next up...swimming lessons this year so we can build his confidence and our trust with him around water.

Brycen continues to attend speech therapy at our local clinic 3 times per week and will continue to do so once school starts.  The best part about this is we were able to push his therapy times back to 3:30 which means he won't miss any school this year!  How is that for having the best of both worlds?!  Depending on his fine motor and other skills, we may look into adding Occupational Therapy back on after school starts.  As of now, he seems to be keeping up with the Physical Therapy parts so we are not looking into that in the near future. 

With school starting soon, we will begin a new routine with both kids.  They are going to be riding the bus every day to and from school (or to therapy on those days for Brycen)...which I guess means a new routine for myself as well and more independence for all of us!  My babies are growing up and getting to be so big!

Finally, I wanted to share what my personal goals for Brycen are this year.  I would like to see his communication skills continue to improve whether it is through verbal, gestures, using his communication device, or sign language.  I also would like to see his aggression decrease at both home and in the school environment when he is frustrated.  I want him to understand he will have to do "work" at school and if he chooses not to, he will lose privileges such as recess or computer/iPad time.  I want to see his comprehension of reading and math continue to progress.  I want him to enjoy going to school and building relationships with his peers and teachers. I want those who work with him to enjoy it and to learn something from him.  Most of all, I just want to see him happy and thriving like he did this last year. 

Thank you for being a part of Brycen's journey!  He is very very VERY lucky to have so many supportive and encouraging people around him as he shows the world what he is made of!