I frequently think about Brycen's future and where he may be or what he may do. Everybody has a place in this world, but I think he may have a little bit of a harder time finding the right place for him. It's not going to be easy for him with all the quirks he has and the various obstacles he faces socializing. Hopefully, this world will keep learning to accept those quirks so that it can be just a little easier on him.
Sometimes, I also sit and wonder about where our place in this world is as a family and especially me as a mother to Brycen. I used to be very social, enjoy going out to see friends, and had no trouble meeting new people. That has changed a lot over the last two years. I have a very hard time meeting new people and finding my place in a group of friends, or among my coworkers, and carrying on a conversation. It just seems like everybody else is in different stages of life, either much further ahead of me in the child-rearing, or still in the single years and enjoying those moments. Those that I do feel the same age and same stage of child-rearing seem to still be in a different world from me most of the time. I'm not sure if this is all just because I am getting older and realizing I need to re-prioritize what comes first, or if some of Brycen's inability to socialize is rubbing off on me, or if it's an actually stage that parents of children with disabilities go through.
While I may have a lot in common with some of my aquaintenances that also have a child with a disability, it seems like I fall in my own category as the working mom. I never imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom and still don't, but I know it's not about me anymore and it's about what Brycen needs. I know I'm not a bad mom because I choose to work to help pay the bills (honestly, I have no clue how families can survive on one income these days with the increasing cost of EVERYTHING!), but I feel so guilty when I have so much on my to-do list and I can't always sit down and spend that quality time with my kids. After almost 2 years of doing the work-at-home thing, I still have yet to find a balance between work, the kids, and the housework. It's very stressful to decide to work on dishes, knowing the work emails are piling up or my work phone is ringing off the hook. I frequently doubt my choice to work...and then I will doubt if I would ever make it as a full time stay-at-home mom.
I guess the point to this whole post is...where is my place in this world? I don't really fit in with the other 30+ yr old working moms with young children, but I don't fit in with the 30+ stay-at-home mom's either. I don't fit in with the typical child group, not the single-parent group, and definitely not the ones that are living the single life. I try to connect with other moms of children on the spectrum, but even they seem in different places. Whether it is different stages of treatment they are using, or they may have more obstacles in their way than what we have in our family. Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Helen Keller
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Autism and Our Family
"Autism"----It's one word that can change the life of a child and family in so many ways. Autism Spectrum Disorders are being diagnosed at a rate of 1 in 68 children currently. If you do not already know someone that has been diagnosed, the statistics say it won't be long before you do.
Our son developed typically until around the time he turned 2 years old. We heard words...we saw him play with other kids...we watched as he played with his toys appropriately...we made eye contact with him...overall we understood his wants and needs. In a matter of a few months, that was all taken away from him. He began lining up toys, lost all of his words and signs except for one word "ball", ignored other kids, could not sleep through the night, lost eye contact and the ability to follow directions, and he had no way of letting us know what he wanted or how he felt. It was heartbreaking to see something happening to our child that we couldn't stop!
Brycen began receiving home therapy 1-2 times per month for about 6 months before we realized it wasn't just developmental delays. We knew it was Autism...we just didn't want to say it outloud to anyone. He was officially diagnosed with Autism (classic form and regressive), as well as Mental Retardation in August 2009 by the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics.
We continue to learn as we make our way through this journey with Brycen and we will continue to share this journey with you on this blog! The blog has been a great therapy for us to be able to vent our frustrations and struggles with accepting that we have a child with special needs, while sharing how blessed we are to have a child teach us what life truly means. It has also been a great way to inform others of his progress and changes over the last couple of years.
Thank you for your support of Brycen and our family! We hope you are able to learn something through this blog no matter if you are a parent of a child with special needs or a neurotypical child, a teacher or therapist, a family member, or just someone that is interested in the journey that a family goes on as they learn their child is battling a life-long disorder.
Our son developed typically until around the time he turned 2 years old. We heard words...we saw him play with other kids...we watched as he played with his toys appropriately...we made eye contact with him...overall we understood his wants and needs. In a matter of a few months, that was all taken away from him. He began lining up toys, lost all of his words and signs except for one word "ball", ignored other kids, could not sleep through the night, lost eye contact and the ability to follow directions, and he had no way of letting us know what he wanted or how he felt. It was heartbreaking to see something happening to our child that we couldn't stop!
Brycen began receiving home therapy 1-2 times per month for about 6 months before we realized it wasn't just developmental delays. We knew it was Autism...we just didn't want to say it outloud to anyone. He was officially diagnosed with Autism (classic form and regressive), as well as Mental Retardation in August 2009 by the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics.
We continue to learn as we make our way through this journey with Brycen and we will continue to share this journey with you on this blog! The blog has been a great therapy for us to be able to vent our frustrations and struggles with accepting that we have a child with special needs, while sharing how blessed we are to have a child teach us what life truly means. It has also been a great way to inform others of his progress and changes over the last couple of years.
Thank you for your support of Brycen and our family! We hope you are able to learn something through this blog no matter if you are a parent of a child with special needs or a neurotypical child, a teacher or therapist, a family member, or just someone that is interested in the journey that a family goes on as they learn their child is battling a life-long disorder.
Take good care of yourself – There is so much more to this than one might think. Pay attention to your body and mind. You have to first take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids. Exercise daily. Eat right and drink plenty of water to keep yourself hydrated. Get plenty of sleep. Watch your stress levels and try to avoid it at all costs. Smile, try it! It helps relieve stress.
ReplyDeletesingle moms
I feel the same way! My whole life is set apart from everybody! I still have my friends but its just not the same! I never see them! I am always the difficult one in the group! Oh I can't do that or I can't do this...always for some reason or another! Sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes and blink myself into another reality! It's great you have an outlet (work) for you to be who you are! I'm sure you are doing an amazing job Melissa! I know I feel better after talking to you!
ReplyDeleteExactly how I feel Jeni! I feel like life has to be put on hold for our families, re-evaluated so often, and often take steps backward so we can hopefully take a couple steps forward a new way. When I hear people say how Autism is a gift to them and how they are not frustrated, I'm wondering what is so different between me and them, or how are our children different to cause me to feel so differently about Autism. I don't "dislike" my child, I dislike what Autism has done to him and the aggression, the inability to communicate, the rigid routine, the lack of sleep, the safety issues. I love my child so much that I want to help him through this, but I just keep realizing this "thing" just sets me further and further apart from everybody else that just keeps going forward in life. I know it doesn't make me a bad person...but I sure feel like it most days when I get frustrated so easily!
ReplyDeleteDan.Eliot-
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment and suggestions.
While I know I need to relieve stress, the constant supervision and diligence it takes to raise a child with special needs counteracts that a lot. I wish it was as easy as eating right, getting exercise, and getting enough sleep. If we can someday tackle the sleep issues (see previous posts from me about this), I think the stress would ease up a lot. It's amazing how much sleep deprivation can affect you especially when it has been years and when it involves keeping your child safe when they are awake at night. In the meantime, my husband and I just keep plugging away at this battle and keep our support system surrounding us to help us through.
I feel the same way and I thought others do to, so I posted this to my Facebook page for others to see. Thanks for being honest and sharing your feelings.
ReplyDelete